Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly

    It was one year, five months, and 19 days after I met the love of my life that I stood before a gathering of friends, family, and God proclaiming my love and dedication to her.  On October 27, 2012 Jasmine Megan Kersting became my wife.  We are no longer Ryan Schlimgen and Jasmine Kersting, but are now Ryan and Jasmine Kersting-Schlimgen.

      So much has happened since the last time I blogged.  I was in Chaplain School, or more specifically PNCS BLC-Phase I.  What, you don't understand what that means?  Yes, the military is filled with acronyms, and I always catch myself using them with Jas, then pausing, and explaining what the acronym is.  This one for example is the Professional Navy Chaplain School Basic Leadership Course Phase One.  This was a four or so week course preparing me for the basics of what it means to be a Navy Chaplain.  Going in, I didn't think it would be too much different from Parish ministry, just more pastoral care, and deck plate ministry (a ministry of presence, we are there in the lives of our flock as their lives are happening).  As I would learn through my time at Fort Jackson, there is so much more to it than that, and I could not do any justice to the packed month I had there.

       What I can tell you is that I met a lot of amazing people who will be a part of my life in the military, and otherwise from this point forward.  People like Chaplain Aroon Seeda, Only the second Buddhist chaplain ever in the Navy, and one the the nicest guys you will ever meet with a great big heart, and a sense of humor that will catch you off guard and make an otherwise difficult day just a little better.  Or Chaplain Ryan Williams, the LDS chaplain who switched form the Air Force to become a Navy Chaplain (after already attending the Air Force's Chaplain School), Ryan sat next to me in our classroom, and was a stand up kind of guy who is now serving his first tour green side (with the USMC) down at Camp Pendleton where I am hoping to soon to some OJT with him (On the Job Training, also known as ADT-Active Duty Training when I am getting paid [which I wont be]).  And of Course, who could forget LCDR (Lieutenant Commander) Chaplain Moore, this man was an inspiration, my class officer, LCDR Moore has lived every aspect of military ministry you can think of, he has had the Holy Spirit moving through him, and acted on his feet and responded to every call he has needed to with grace, faith, and love for his flock.  Truly and inspiration!

     Following Chaplain School, was a little bit of downtime, getting back into the flow of my internship at St Johns Presbyterian Church in San Francisco, resting form the training in SC.  Then in August, Jas and I took a road trip from San Francisco, to Great Falls, to Denver, and back in order to clean out our storage units, load everything up into a storage unit, and move it all back to San Anselmo where we could start moving it into the new apartment that would be our first home together.  We just moved all of her stuff in to the apartment (still SFTS housing, in a new location slightly larger than my old apartment), so we wouldn't have to move it down again from Claire's after the wedding.  It was an interesting process for about a month trying to go through all of our things and get rid of/combine our possessions, that has slowed, after the first month, but is still an ongoing process.

     Classes have been back in Session since the first week in September, and I am busy but not overwhelmed.  I front loaded my coursework over the first couple years so I could take it easier toward the end.  I am taking three courses to remain full-time (I only require one of them and then I will have all of my requirements done to graduate).  The final requirement I have is Ethics, which I am fulfilling with Economic Justice being co-taught by Professor Carol Robb, and the Seminary President/Dr Jim McDonald (I will not say what I really think about this class and it's primary professor [hint, it isn't Jim], but lets just say I am not happy with the biased and unethical treatment of this class and it's students by someone who is supposed to be an expert on ethics).  Next is a Doctoral Level Pastoral Care class I was able to take by special request on Loss, Grief, and Trauma; it is an interesting topic with a lot of great information from the readings, but even more from the insight of my classmates in this seminar style class.  Lastly I am taking an online class on the history of Marriage and Family in the Christian West; this was not my first choice, but the class I was going to take was cancelled, however this is turning out to be one of the more interesting classes I have taken yet.  Things are going well, and I am looking forward to taking my last semester of classes in the Spring (all electives because I am effectively done after this semester).

     The name hyphenated name (which causes Jasmine to call herself Mrs Dash) came about for many reasons.  For one, I love my wife and her family, which she also loves very much, and there is no way I could ask here to give up such an important aspect of that family like her name.  I also wanted to honor my father-in-law Jim who was blessed with three wonderful daughters each as lovely as the last, but in a society where most women take on their husbands last names it seemed like it would be nice to carry on the Kersting name for Jim.  Now sure, I could have just kept my last name and Jasmine kept hers, but she wanted to take on some of me, and I wanted to take on some of her.  The hyphenated name is not only an ode to those who have come before us, but a reminder to each other.  We are no longer the individuals who met in the Spring, we are no longer the individuals who dated long distance through a lot of plane rides, phone calls, and skype dates, we are no longer the individuals who got engaged and moved one of them to a city in a far off land so they could be nearer to one another.  We are now husband and wife.  The aspects of the individuals we were are still a part of us, but now they have changed, or I should say are in the process of changing.  We now are part of a Mr and a Mrs.  We are husband and wife, we are a team, we are a unit, we are a family, and every time we say, write, look at, or are reminded in any way of the new last name we hold, we can remember who we have become.  I am no longer a Schlimgen, Jas is no longer a Kersting, we are the Kersting-Schlimgens.  Now we just need to look to each other and to God...  Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly.  And the best of the three is love.  -1Cor 13:13b

Engaged: Part 3

The wedding is in 16 days!

Today the weather is overcast and drizzly.  We love it.  I love the sunshine as well, so I think Ryan forgets my own desire of rainy days and storm clouds.  We have scented candles lit, the windows open, and the slight breeze on our arms makes the sweatshirts necessary.

Last week we attended our first premarital counseling group.  The fantastic woman who sat down to discuss with us, recommended a book by John M. Gottman, Ph.D. entitled, "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work."  I am astonished by the practicality and research of the written work.  For this next week we are to construct a budget and a chore list to set clear our expectations and responsibility in the home.  We are learning to love each other better and communicate so we truly hear one another.

We are doing well.  Ryan is fully immersed in his schooling and completed midterms this week while I am crossing my fingers about different employment opportunities that have come down the pipe line.  Ryan's internship is going really well and he has received rave reviews from his mentors and supervisors at the church.

I am really excited to marry this man.   Just really, really excited to become a Mrs. Dash.  Oh, Ryan, we have waited many years to meet each other.  Thank you for loving me well.  And spending the day with those that are etching out time and money to grace use with your presence will certainly be a blast.   I am so stoked.  And yes, I hope not to trip down the aisle...  ...you're right Lauren, it would be funny though.  ;)

Happy fall,
Happy days,
xxox

soon to be- Mrs. Ryan Kersting- Schlimgen

Engaged: Part 2

I have had my mix of seemingly healthy relationships with a dash of cancerous disfunction.  From friendships to family to romantic encounters... my methods of engagement are sometimes quite disturbing to those that I supposedly love.  Without justification, I seem to have the same disfunction that plagues humanity as a whole.  I am learning to choose intimacy regardless of the pain that it may unearth.  Thus far this process has demanded a vulnerability of owning up to my crap while attempting to not be a control freak at 'making sure' others notice their own.

I like being presentable and sharp-witted.  I enjoy feeling comfortable and at ease on the sidelines- stepping in and out of the spot light when I choose.  Most of the time when I am asked to share without warning I fumble with my words and hope they somehow string together as a coherent persuasive piece to add to the dialogue.  In the cases lately, I just start crying.

Ryan and I are attempting to build a healthy foundation in which to build this crazy thing called "marriage."  We are realizing that there are parts of our separate stories and life journeys that we need to work though and grieve both separately and together in order to understand our now-a-days better.  There are also parts within our story together that require dealing with and grieving about in order to allow restoration.  We are good.  This thing called life is good.  This idea of marriage is good.  We are excited,  although the required effort to master proper, ongoing, healthy, God-honoring communication shall be an interesting journey.

We would like to live until 110 and 109.  It might just take that long to get it down.  We are sinners.
I bet there will be plenty of tears and laughter along the way.

Meanwhile, in the SF Bay Area

I am staying at Ryan's while he is away.  He has a desk and I can complete these classes with less distraction.  Claire is my roommate in San Rafael, CA- she is about 15 minutes north and we now have to plan dates to see each other.  So, we will hang out on Saturday- I think there might be a hike in store.

Speaking of exercise, one of Ryan's friends and my new friend, Katie got a hold of me asking if I wanted to go on a walk.  Folks, it was not a mere saunter...  It was a walk with interruptions of lunges and squats.  Tricky Katie, quite tricky- and now I know what this new season of walk looks like with you.  It was good.  Katie is in a thriving long distance relationship- it has been good to connect.

Last weekend, I was able to see Jeff and Jess.  They are dear friends from CO that recently moved out here.  It was wonderful to connect up and realize the we were in a new space and a different season than before.  Jess has her year residency for vet school that has just begun, Jeff has a new architecture job, and I'm engaged in a new city and engaged to an incredible man.

The classes I am taking are Assessment of Learning and Assessment of E-Learning.  Surprisingly they have very little overlap.  If you did not know any better you may think I was attempting to have a lighter load this summer! ;)  Well, let me assure you, they are not making that easy.  :D  I suppose it is good- I am an advocate of quality education.

Regardless, I am unable currently to find employment in the education field right now.  It has been a process of great frustration actually.  However, today I applied to a candy shop and suddenly it felt better for this time.  Ha!  I am bad at giving up control.  I am sort of bad at having my plans changed.  It has been good to change direction sometimes; I suppose we ought to move in the direction of the open door, eh?

And, on a lighter note my hair is back to a natural tone.  It seemed "Cherry Praline" was not going to be the best for pictures the first weekend of August.  A friend from Colorado will be flying out to take some shots of Ryan and I.  The talented Amanda and her talented husband, Aaron might be in Africa working on their film during October.  The film will no doubt be amazing- stay tuned: Liyana

Ryan and I have decided we will travel to the storage units in August.  It will be wonderful to see his family in Washington and Montana and visit with friends in Colorado and possibly Wyoming.

Lately, video conversations with Ryan have been cut short due to bad wireless connections on the base in SC.  Frankly, it is annoying.  He has been good.  The workouts sound outrageous- no, seriously, insane...  I can't help but feel a bit wimpy when I share about running stairs.  We miss each other, but we are both in good places now.  I am beginning to find my place in the strangeness of Marin County (more on this later), while allowing new community to invade in the very best way while Ryan is preparing well around professionals that know the same drive to care well for persons serving in the military.  We are both being loved on by God and others.  It is still appropriate to miss this man dearly...  I get that love means wanting the very best for another.  We had texted and planned to chat but with the intense days Ryan was beat this evening.  He napped and set the alarm to converse with me.  He woke and told me how he was feeling- completely drained... we determined to reschedule for tomorrow- no worries- sleep strong, brave, dear man... but then it was important to see each others face; I so wanted to see his pliable and alive face.  And I did for a few precious minutes and we bid each other sweet dreams and restful peace 'when we got there.'  ...CA to SC is four time zones right?  

xoxo, all.

Chaplain School Day 4

Today was my Fourth day at Chaplain School.  Life has been much better than expected, and the staff is great. 

As I previously mentioned, the first day was not as bad as we had all anticipated from the letter we were given on Sunday night.  Thankfully my attitude has improved greatly since then as well.  We had no PT on Monday or Tuesday but had our Initial PFA (Physical Fitness Assessment, this is an unofficial Physical Readiness Test of a 1.5 mile run, 2 minutes of Pushups, and 2 minutes of curl-ups) on Wednesday.  I was pretty nervous because I showed very little physical discipline between ODS (Last November/December) and now.  I have to admit I was praying just not to get hurt; but in the end I passed all three events with no problems.  I passed the Pushups with 14 over the minimum, I doubled the minimum for the curl-ups, and my 1.5 mile time was better than my last one at ODS.  Now that we had finished our PFA we started PTing today with a “short” 45-minute formation run.  Tomorrow will be “Blue Falcon” working our cores in a sort of relay with one person from each squad at a time running and doing dips and pull-ups.

The first two days of classroom setting were administrative days with ten hours a piece of death by power point.  Luckily though we have Chaplain (Lt Cmdr Moore) as our class’ main officer, and when he gets in front of us he is very relaxed, and fun, and jokes a lot.  He is very entertaining and keeps us awake.  The ethics class we have been taking has been very interesting and engaging.  It is being taught by a retired Captain who really knows his stuff and does a great job of keeping us engaged, and asking the right questions to really make us think and come to our own conclusions with many real life examples of ethical dilemmas faced by members of the military.  So far, training has been very rewarding, and I am really enjoying myself.

-Ryan

More airports, More Goodbyes.

Yesterday was a long day of hurry up and wait.  Jasmine took me to the airport (SFO) in the morning and we shared some good byes and she cried a little practicing her dabbing technique for the wedding.

The rest of the day was a long flight to Charlotte, NC first, and then a very short flight to my final destination of Columbia, SC.  The first flight was a little disappointing; a 5 hour flight across country, no screen on my seat, no screen overhead, not even peanuts.  I spent most of the time trying to access the Germany Denmark Euro Cup game, but the internet on the plane was really slow so I was able to watch about 5 seconds of game, ten minutes of buffering, 5 seconds of game, ten minutes of buffering.  Germany did win in the end 2-1, and the flight wasn't as bad, the pilots were good, and it was a clean air the whole way there.   The connecting flight in Charlotte was a quick turn around, so I jogged to the connecting gate, only to get on and take some time to relax because there were some late flights and we were waiting for people and luggage.  We took off about a 45 minutes late, and spent twenty minutes in the air.

Upon arrival in Columbia, I grabbed a cab and was off to Fort Jackson.  When I arrived, there was a group of students with a letter for s all telling of a bunch of events for the next day I wasn't prepared for, and equipment I was not previously informed to have.  This caused a little stress, and late night polishing.  As it turns out the letter was old, most of the stuff was not needed fro the day, and it was  atypical admin day with not a lot going on.  I wish I could write more, especially about the woman I love, but I am pretty tired, have an early start tomorrow, and have a bit of a headache so I will talk to Jas a little longer on the phone and call it a night.

-Ryan

P.S. Jas keeps thinking Im in NC, Im actually in SC.

Father's Day

I talked to my dad today.  It was a pleasant, heartfelt conversation.  We laughed and shared memories.  The phone stopped working on us three times.  I like to blame that on the Wisconsin cell phone reception.

I am certain Ryan thought of this father heaps today.  I told him this morning as we left for the airport that his daddy would be proud of him.  Ryan knows that and has shared of his dad's smile many times when telling the story of himself choosing to attend seminary training.

I will forever love these fathers regardless of how many days I get to spend in their presence.
These men have instilled passion, wisdom, drive,
truth, and joy into Ryan and I and I am thankful.

I am thankful also, for our LORD, that has enable
use to call him daddy and be embrace in his
tender care and soul provision when we chose
to slow down and lean into him.  I am in awe and
stilled again by how often I throw temper tantrums
in the presence of the holy; I am in awe by how he
chooses to quiet me.  I am in awe of his consistent
love pursuit for his creation.

This morning Ryan left for Chaplain training in NC.  I spoke with him this evening and he arrived safe and ready.  I left him to ironing his uniform and getting a good nights rest; traveling through multiple time zones can be rough.  He will be in NC for a month.

Ryan has been reminding me that I am probably better prepared than I think for future deployments but I find myself going through more tissues than what I view is reasonable.  It is hard to be away from someone you love.  Ryan is going to make an amazing Navy Chaplain.  I am calmly reminded when I set aside my worries and ask him to share his passion and reason and calling for this ministry again.  I believe we are in the exact spot that we need to be currently.

As for myself, I am seeking employment.  I recently moved to the SF Bay Area from the Denver Metro.  I had been working in the Higher Education industry.  I am growing antsy as I am reminded that the results of this waiting season will be good.  I am also learning about community by slowing down to attempt to invest in the relationships I have from WI, MN, and CO before plunging headfirst into numerous CA connections.  The process has been filling with a lot of waiting and checking my motives; lonely moments and an aching appetite for deep community next door.  I must learn to appreciate people and seasons.  I must learn to love people for who they are rather than the convenience and timing of them filling my extroverted senses to a satisfactory level.

The wedding planning is mostly done as all of the larger stuff has been completed. Ryan has contributed time, energy and effort; perhaps more than I have.  The Mountain Man whose career requires him to be clean-shaven really is the most incredible groom a bride could ask for.

Today, after taking Ryan to the airport I dabbed my tearful eyes like a pro and went with Claire (my roommate) to the Mt. Tam, Mountain Play, "Music Man."  The performance was wonderful and the weather was toasty.  We each had two rounds of snow cones in our party of four.

The day was eventful.  I laughed, I cried.  I experienced deep joy and sorrowful grief.  Emotions continued to run through my existence until now... I am stilled and reminded to be centered, to relive positive memories, to determine not to exasperate the rotten memories, to let go of the crud that I would like to be able to control but I can't.  So be it.

Engaged: Part 1

Let's start out with the fact that I am thankful. It has been nearly two months since I moved to California, nearly two months since Ryan asked me to marry him, and nearly a year since we first met. (!!!!!!!!!!!)



 I will attempt to bring you up to speed with the "whirlwind" of activities and the fun we are having. We left Denver on March 8, and drove to San Anselmo- stopping to visit and stay with Heidi and Andrew in SLC. Immediately proceeding, I start a job Monday morning and Ryan continued his internship and master's. We both got really sick for over a week. I decided to quit my job- it was suddenly too much pressure. I have a limited time to complete my master's 30 page + comprehensive exam and that had been assigned to myself as well.

 We would then travel to Montana and Wisconsin to visit and meet family members, Ryan was still ill. 

It was fantastic to meet Ryan's family. I love them already. Ryan's mom, Kathy, bought me leopard print galoshes, after I shared that Ryan would not allow the girls to wear boots (of any sort). We had a good laugh. Maggie, Ryan's sister, tried on the Prom dress that she would be wearing that Saturday. We visited the cabin that has been in Ryan's family for many years.

 In Wisconsin, my family decided the first stop (after Culver's) we would take would be to the insane assilum. It was indeed interesting. ;) Bethany, a dear friend of mine, drove across state the next day, and we were able to go wedding dress shopping. I found the dress and mom, Karen, was there! It was such a special and magical time for both of us. Plenty of tears, and laughter, and hugs. After a fancy late lunch with a pretty alcoholic drink in hand, we meet up with the guys. Ryan saw Harrison Ford at EAA. They went to dad's/Jim welding shop and had a delicious lunch somewhere during the appropriate lunch hour.

 The next day Emma joined, and a lot was acchomplished!! The wedding gown was purchased, Ryan found his suit, my parents found their fancy clothes and we decided on the dresses for the bridesmaids. All were purchased and sized and sent out to the manufacturer. It had been SUCH a productive day!

 I would like to say that it has calmed down a bit but that it not really the case. Ryan has several larger projects that he is wrapping up and I have one. As far as wedding planning we have meet with the caterers, chosen the venues, chosen the officiant, determined the wedding party, begun gift registries, and are mostly done making the invitations and finalizing the guest list. We wish that everyone could be invited- but that is not the case, so this really is the most difficult.

This summer, Maggie, Ryan's sister is graduating high school so it would be awesome if he could get up to Montana to celebrate with her and family. We will have to see how finances work. I will have two distance classes to complete the masters program. Ryan will, probably, be gone for a bit over a month on the east coast for chaplain training. Our photographer friend, Amanda is planning to visit SF and take pictures of us during the first bit of August. Then we are planning to close our storage units in Colorado and Montana so this would result in longer road trip, and seeing Denver friends and Great Falls family in mid-August. Amber, my sister, is due with her second child in August and it would be wonderful if we could visit during the beginning of September. We will have to see. In September, Ryan will move into our new apartment in San Anselmo. I will continue to live in San Rafael until the wedding.

Complete whirlwind. It has been a blast, mostly. I am thankful that we are in the same area and that we are building a life together. He has become my closest friend... I usually don't get to kiss my friends. ;) I love this man.

:'D

Need I say more?

.........................................................................and now updated more than a month later.

After telling Jasmine many times that I needed to talk to her father (Jim) in person before I could officially ask her to marry me, I got to the point where I couldn't wait any longer and started make plans... secret plans.

 For our post Valentines day trip we went to napa valley and sampled some of the local wines. On the trip, I made sure to bring Jasmine to a jeweler to get her finger sized and to find out what kind of rings she likes. The trip to the jeweler was new for Jas, she was shaking a little, and cried a few times, but I made sure I comforted her by holding her hand, whispering in her ear, and rubbing her back.

 Needless to say with all of this, She knew that I was going to propose, she just didn't know when.

 I gave it about a day after Jas left to start building her ring on a web site. I know everyone says to never buy a diamond you haven't seen, but it turned out beautiful. I ordered it, and had it about a week later. After the ring arrived, I couldn't help but tell Jasmine. in fact, I taunted her with the box several times on skype, and sent her a photo text of just a little tiny corner of the ring's band (the part for resizing that looks nothing like the rest of the ring). I told her I was going to hide the ring, or give it to my neighbor Charles because I didn't want her snooping around my apartment for it (even though I know she wouldn't have) during the more than a month period of time she would be living in the same area as me before we could go to Wisconsin and I could talk to her Dad.

 I was nervous and waited until the last minute to call her dad. I ended up calling him after my Monday preaching class on March 5th... well, about a half hour after the class because I had to calm myself to the point where I could call him. OK, I'm ready... ring... ring...ring...ring I got his voicemail.

 After leaving what I felt was a fairly professional and respectful message about wanting an opportunity to speak with him, I set my phone down, and tried to occupy myself in other ways. Thank you Hulu.

 20 minutes later my phone rings "Dad" (Jasmine texted me his phone number from her contacts and I hadn't changed the name yet... kind of funny). I answered, and had a brief and thankful conversation (no really, I must have said thank you 30 times). It was very brief because I am pretty sure he knew I was so nervous.

 I hang up, jumped up and down a few times, happy that step was over, I had his blessing, I had the ring, and I was going to ask Jasmine to marry me.

 The next day I had to go to New Testament Exegesis in the morning, then head straight to he airport to fly standby on a United airlines buddy pass to Denver. I got there extra early because I was flying standby and wanted to be first in line. I was! I would be in Denver at 6:30 and Jasmine would be there waiting for me. as I sat waiting for the flight, it seemed like every flight attendant and pilot who works for United walked up wanting to fly standby.

 My buddy pass was not as high priority as them, so I watched my name drop down the list from 1 of 1 to 9 of 9. Only the first three standby passengers got on the flight. I would not make it to Denver by 6:30 this evening. After some talking to the lovely United gate ladies, they let me know I was moved to the list for the next flight, and it left in three hours. I headed to that gate, and ate a candy bar.

 Two hours later the gate personnel called me up to give me my boarding pass. Yay! After asking if I wanted to sit in the middle seat in the front of the plane or the back, I let them know I would take whatever was easiest for them. I think they appreciated this because they sat me in the economy plus seating area right behind first class. I had about three feet of leg room, it was amazing.

 The flight was kind of a blur for me, it was fast, just over two hours, a lot of turbulence on the approach to Denver. As soon as I got off the plane I headed to the bathroom, took the ring out of the cardboard box, and put it in my pocket, then rearranged it for a while so it wasn't sticking out.

 I put my carry on bag and my laptop case over just one shoulder so I could easily drop them, and headed to the tram that would get me to the main terminal.

 Jasmine called me while I was on the Tram saying she just got to the garage, and was going to hurry so she would probably get to the greeting area outside security around the same time I did.

 I got off the tram and walked with blinders on, I didn't know what was going on in any direction. I walked with purpose, and headed up the escalator. I scanned right to left at the top of the escalator thinking I may have to wait there for Jas, but there she was. Beautiful as the day I met her.

 I walked over, dropped my bags, and gave her a big hug. She said something, I have no idea what. and I continued to hug her. When I let go, she started to pull away so we could walk to the car, i grabbed her and pulled her back close, and whispered in her ear "I can't wait any longer for this."

 I took a step back, dropped to my knee, pulled out the ring and asked her if she would marry me... She didn't say yes. She just teared up, and started nodding.

 People in the greeting area began clapping, I stood up, and fumbled with her hands to find the left then placed the ring on her finger. a perfect fit, and it looks so good on her. I hugged her again gave her a gentle kiss, then we walked away from the clapping crowds now feeling like we were on the spot.

 Around baggage claim I made her look at the ring because she didn't even look at it before, she just kept looking into my eyes as I proposed and when I put the ring on her finger. I love this woman!

Flying and Driving

Ryan is on a plane headed to Denver right now. --Ryan is flying standby from my friend Julie's benefits. The initial flight was a no-go, but he was able to get onto the 2nd- which is awesome! Thank you Julie!

I just worked my last day at the college as a Career Advisor. --I have been there 3 yr.s. It is a bit surreal and has yet to sink in. I will miss some of my coworkers quite dearly. It has been a hard, good, seemingly long run with them. They have blessed me.

The next few days are a whirlwind. --When I pick up Ryan from the airport we are headed to hang out with Lauren and Mike at City-o-City. Then tomorrow we would like to get up to Estes but it is weather dependent as it seems snow may be on it's way. I need to swing by a friend and classmates place to pick up several articles she thought was great materials for Comps. THank you Jennifer!! (My massive comprehensive exam for the MA Education Psychology: Research and Evaluation Methodology is coming out any day via my school inbox! :) ) Tomorrow evening we will join Ben and Tina for dinner and then a small gathering at their place. After that we'll head to Streets of London to give and receive more hugs. The following morning we have a special meeting at Devil's Food. I can't wait to see their menu more up close!! Ryan has a phone meeting with some of his church committee and during which I am having a super quick photo shoot by my friend Andy. Then we will drive to Salt Lake City to see and crash at Heidi and Andrew's place.




P.s. I am loosing my voice.

xoxoxox More soonish.

the last planned trip and preparation

Ryan will be here in less than two weeks. We will be in Denver for a couple of days and then will be driving to California. It is surreal. It is also surreal that I was in California less than two days ago for an extended stay over the weekend.

When we had decided upon the trip, I was not planning on moving until May. It seemed reasonable to get together the weekend after Valentine's. Now that we will be living in the same area soon- it seems the trip was just a magnificent bonus to seal the end of the distance part of the relationship.

The trip consisted of: nap time, class, an interview, waiting in the car, tolls, a Valentine from Ryan's mom, jewelry, hugs and kisses, candy hearts, chocolate, bagel nutrition, gps, napa, downtown shops, some shaking, and sweet minty gum, tree lanes, an accident, a particular vineyard we did not run or walk to, a new friend and his marvel comics, sniff-swirl-swig, romance, wine, and cheese, and bread, hot tub, gloaming, carribian colored pool, whole foods feast, world market, laughter, tears, waffles, accidental sugar free, teasing, motion sickness, the ocean, the beach, a new nylon beach blanket, hot cocoa, wet waved toes!, kites, and kite surfers, shark signs, stories about Ryan almost dying (i.e. AUS island, and mt bike wreck), church, shrek, a theater date, lost leaf, conversation, more laughter, more tears, fog, delayed flight, missed flight, another airport pickup, turbulance. It was a blast.



...and now... we both how busy lists to complete well.

Ryan-
Continue to attend full time classes
Continue to study
Continue to participate in the church internship
Attend and lead a retreat at Lake Tahoe for an extended weekend
Attend a multi-day conference in TX
There is a bunch more details jotted down in his mind- Ill let him fill then in, if he wishes...
Fly stand-by to Denver (and pack basically nothing ;) )

Jasmine-
Hug my dear Denver friends... as much as, possible.
Final medical/dental appointments
Wrap up well at the college I work at
Continue to write the Independent Study
Pack
Visit the storage unit
Get up to Estes
Attend bash at Jenna and Meghan's
Attend gathering at Ben and Tine's
Clean the room I staying in
Additional final appointments
Find cheese curds
Visit the hot springs
Special shopping
Decide what can comfortably fit in the car
Overhaul on car
Wash car
Send Fi's Colorado animals
Find someone willing and excited to franchise a Culver's in California
Oh, and I should probably get tires though... did you know that tires don't have an expiration date on them so there is not actually was to show the tires' elasticay. ...that was on a documentary once. Anyways, I might get tires.

<3 you all. I am way excited, and quite a bit sad. <3 It is almost the appropriate time for this chapter to conclude. I wonder what the next bit is all about. I betcha it will certainly be an adventure!

classes, potential jobs, and one way tickets.

Well, classes started last week for Jas, and this week for me. Now that ODS is out of the way, I am officially back in the full swing of things as a full time student/part time pastoral intern/part time officer/full time boyfriend.

This week is a little bit hectic to be starting classes for me because the pastor at the church I am interning at is out after having his hip replaced, and the associate pastor is out of the country as the keynote speaker at a presbyterian women's conference, so I am the point man for the church. Thankfully, it has been a relatively quiet week and we have Deb, a wonderful parish associate, who is doing this week's sermon so I can concentrate solely on next week's.

I am looking forward to this semester because my classes seem pretty interesting; I am taking a performance preaching class, a class observing the interactions of Christians and Islam and how this effected the hybridity of art from each culture, and and New Testament Exegesis. I took NT Exegesis last Spring, but dropped it because I was taking 5 classes, searching for an internship, and finishing up everything in the process of Navy selection. The class was at the end of the week, and and I simply neglected it to get everything else done. Once I realized how much I had missed, there was no point to continuing so I dropped with plans to take it again this semester.

What I am REALLY looking forward to this semester however has nothing to do with school. One Ms. Jasmine Megan Kersting has potentially found a job in Corte Madera (which she will check out in two weeks when she comes to visit [this :D is my super happy face]). She dropped her class commitments for this semester, and has had several online courses approved that she can take over the Summer. Now she just needs to work through the 4th of March to cover the education assistance she received from her current job, then I hop on a plane (one way) after class on the 6th, and meet all of her friends for a going away party, a bunch of packing belongings into the Pontiac (or little black golf ball as I lovingly call it), a quick AM meeting, and we are off to the bay. :)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No more one weekend a month! No more having to make eye contact one at a time on Skype! No more distance! We will live close, see one another regularly, be able to hug after a bad day, be able to look into each others eyes rather than a camera on our macs. In case you haven't figured it out, I am VERY excited, happy, giddy if you will.

After 9 months of being in a long distance relationship, we will now be in just a relationship, and I couldn't be happier.

The power of Prayer and love

All relationships will hit rough patches at points through out their life cycle. Jas and I hit one this last weekend, and it was a doozy. But it proved that there is nothing we can't overcome.

Distance is hard, especially when it has been present for the vast majority of your relationship. We discovered that head on, and faced loneliness and vulnerability to the point where it was necessary to forget about what is practical, and come together on the spur of the moment. Jas bought a plane ticket, and flew to San Francisco for less than 24 hours just so we could be together, speak face-to-face, and begin healing the hurt.

We decided she needed to be here at 0900, but her flight wouldn't arrive until 1900. That was the longest ten hours of my life.  My stomach turning, adrenaline flashes, shaking, crying (yes, I cry), lack of appetite, and in this state I reached out to my community with a request for prayers. The flood of facebook posts and texts and phone calls letting me know people were praying for me gave me so much comfort, and beyond that the prayers themselves brought me to almost a sense of peace, and guided me to a decision I had to make.

Things were a little bit awkward when Jas first arrived, as we walked away from the baggage claim, I grabbed her hand a squeezed, I don't know why, I usual use a more gentle touch, but I guess I wanted to let her know that I was there, I was physically right next to her. Even then I felt distanced, but when we got on the escalator, I got on first, she stood behind me, and I felt her body press forward into my back, and a flood came over me. It was one of relief, comfort, and release; It was the bandage I needed, It let me know she was here, she loves me, and we are going to be just fine. I will remember that little lean for the rest of my life.

When we got to Pepe (for those who don't know, Pepe is my 4Runner's name. He is my little mule) the luggage went in, but we did not, we had the much needed embrace, comforting one another in each others arms, and more tears along with words, feelings, explanations that needed to be spoken. All of the angst from the previous ten or so hours began to drain from my soul, and there I stood, a 31 year old man, vulnerable, trembling, and embracing the woman he loves.

The remainder of the weekend reflected the airport parking garage, only leaving each other's immediate presence for necessities like food, and showers, conversations that needed to be had, a few more tears, and true affirmation that our love is strong, our faith is strong, and we can get through anything. Deployments will be difficult, we know that, but we also know that, though deployments are long, when I return, we wont be going back to living 1000 miles apart, we will go back to the two of us being physically in each other's presence.

May can't come soon enough for us, but I taught Jas a new Mantra this weekend in relation to the remainder of the long distance portion of our relationship: "It is hard, but it's not too hard." We are going to be just fine. I love this woman, she is my best friend, and even in the darkest times she can make me happy with her big heart.

what i remember during late nights

I have a lot of thoughts racing through my mind currently. Thoughts about the kind of person that I have become within the last 8 months of meeting a man that has changed my life.

I am not running emotionally, but my tendency is to run. In fact, I was in a relationship with a man at one point for a couple months and I moved over state lines before telling him, "no, we could not see each other over the weekend" because I lived too many miles away. My tendency is to run. I get scared and wear the facade of 'strong and independent' and I shy away from someone getting to know the true me.

It is interesting that this relationship started states away. It is interesting that I may have needed that. I needed it to be able to experience the thrill of romance and the act of being cared for in-between lags of the typical in which solely God and I determined the adventurous unfolding of the day's agenda. Throughout the summer, in the early months of our new relationship, I missed Ryan without knowing the idiosyncrasies that were part of his very existence. Now, I find myself missing those unique things that contribute to his makeup. It has been good to get to know him.

As tremendously difficult it now is to be miles away, I have recently realized, and have begun to believe more so that this journey is a healing act. Last Saturday, I packed up belongings into storage and moved to a smaller, shared living space. I am excited, I am terrified. There has been much sacrifice of my 'independence.' However, I am beginning to wonder if I was ever really good at being independent anyway. I can be a good pretender. (For the record- I don't think I am bad at being independent- just, maybe, not as amazing as I thought I once was.) This has been a humbling process. I am not sure what the rest holds. I don't think any of us can legitimately claim that we do. I can hope, and wonder... but right now I am beginning to understand that in this moment, this physical place is actually and truly, good for this time. I am beginning to see that I would not rather the terms 'humility' and 'content' be absent in my character. It is my understanding that trust is an evolving ritual and discipline... and the imagery the comes to mind is that trust is comparable to a tightrope walk across extremely high mountain peaks with the elements mightily present.

((Ha! I thought I made that up! Check out the incredible shots of Michael Kemeter 'trusting'.))

-Don't look down: Austrian slackline walker Michael Kemeter sets out on his perilous walk across a 150ft line less than an inch wide, strung between the Pallavicini ridge on the side of Grossglockner mountain, Austria-

-Don't do that! Kemeter shows his head for heights as he kneels on the line after making his crossing. He went topless to lower wind resistance and reduce any excess weight-