All relationships will hit rough patches at points through out their life cycle. Jas and I hit one this last weekend, and it was a doozy. But it proved that there is nothing we can't overcome.
Distance is hard, especially when it has been present for the vast majority of your relationship. We discovered that head on, and faced loneliness and vulnerability to the point where it was necessary to forget about what is practical, and come together on the spur of the moment. Jas bought a plane ticket, and flew to San Francisco for less than 24 hours just so we could be together, speak face-to-face, and begin healing the hurt.
We decided she needed to be here at 0900, but her flight wouldn't arrive until 1900. That was the longest ten hours of my life. My stomach turning, adrenaline flashes, shaking, crying (yes, I cry), lack of appetite, and in this state I reached out to my community with a request for prayers. The flood of facebook posts and texts and phone calls letting me know people were praying for me gave me so much comfort, and beyond that the prayers themselves brought me to almost a sense of peace, and guided me to a decision I had to make.
Things were a little bit awkward when Jas first arrived, as we walked away from the baggage claim, I grabbed her hand a squeezed, I don't know why, I usual use a more gentle touch, but I guess I wanted to let her know that I was there, I was physically right next to her. Even then I felt distanced, but when we got on the escalator, I got on first, she stood behind me, and I felt her body press forward into my back, and a flood came over me. It was one of relief, comfort, and release; It was the bandage I needed, It let me know she was here, she loves me, and we are going to be just fine. I will remember that little lean for the rest of my life.
When we got to Pepe (for those who don't know, Pepe is my 4Runner's name. He is my little mule) the luggage went in, but we did not, we had the much needed embrace, comforting one another in each others arms, and more tears along with words, feelings, explanations that needed to be spoken. All of the angst from the previous ten or so hours began to drain from my soul, and there I stood, a 31 year old man, vulnerable, trembling, and embracing the woman he loves.
The remainder of the weekend reflected the airport parking garage, only leaving each other's immediate presence for necessities like food, and showers, conversations that needed to be had, a few more tears, and true affirmation that our love is strong, our faith is strong, and we can get through anything. Deployments will be difficult, we know that, but we also know that, though deployments are long, when I return, we wont be going back to living 1000 miles apart, we will go back to the two of us being physically in each other's presence.
May can't come soon enough for us, but I taught Jas a new Mantra this weekend in relation to the remainder of the long distance portion of our relationship: "It is hard, but it's not too hard." We are going to be just fine. I love this woman, she is my best friend, and even in the darkest times she can make me happy with her big heart.
