Engaged: Part 2

I have had my mix of seemingly healthy relationships with a dash of cancerous disfunction.  From friendships to family to romantic encounters... my methods of engagement are sometimes quite disturbing to those that I supposedly love.  Without justification, I seem to have the same disfunction that plagues humanity as a whole.  I am learning to choose intimacy regardless of the pain that it may unearth.  Thus far this process has demanded a vulnerability of owning up to my crap while attempting to not be a control freak at 'making sure' others notice their own.

I like being presentable and sharp-witted.  I enjoy feeling comfortable and at ease on the sidelines- stepping in and out of the spot light when I choose.  Most of the time when I am asked to share without warning I fumble with my words and hope they somehow string together as a coherent persuasive piece to add to the dialogue.  In the cases lately, I just start crying.

Ryan and I are attempting to build a healthy foundation in which to build this crazy thing called "marriage."  We are realizing that there are parts of our separate stories and life journeys that we need to work though and grieve both separately and together in order to understand our now-a-days better.  There are also parts within our story together that require dealing with and grieving about in order to allow restoration.  We are good.  This thing called life is good.  This idea of marriage is good.  We are excited,  although the required effort to master proper, ongoing, healthy, God-honoring communication shall be an interesting journey.

We would like to live until 110 and 109.  It might just take that long to get it down.  We are sinners.
I bet there will be plenty of tears and laughter along the way.