April

It has been several months, but I recently wrote a good friend and opted to use the "cut and paste" technique to update the blog as I feel it has been neglected.  

I will bring you up to speed.  

After Crown I was in Colorado for nearly eight years, attending Scum of the Earth and attempting to find my place.  While completing a masters degree, and working as a career advisor, I met Ryan and a long distance relationship took off.  I prided myself with many roles, healthy family relationships, and a positive active social life.  

After I moved to California, I have questioned my identity a lot.  Residence, community, finances, employment, and personal relationship status have changed.  I thought I would be ok, but these changes took more of a toll on me than I expected.

I have witnessed the transformation of a generous and grateful, confident, independent women become someone I do not recognize.

Looking back, throughout the last season I believe I have lived off the spiritual "wealth" (growth/ depth/ understanding) of former years.  I had grown weary of pursuing our creator as the effort felt tremendous, I was tired of giving, so tired of pursuing.  I craved rest.  I was burnt out.

Currently, I am reminded that the Lord does not change, and that my identity in him is secure.  This is why, I mentioned prior that "Life without Jesus is lonely. There are ebbs and flows to all true relationships. I am happy to say, Ill be around for the long, long haul."  I am beginning to find the groove in my relationship with God amidst the ridiculous and awesome changes that occurred.  I am learning a lot about myself; my reaction; and interactions.  I am learning to rest, and learning to rest in him.   ...several months ago I prayed about humility.  I do believe that this father, we so adore, has reminded me of many good and true things that I, in my pride, ignorance, and busyness had grown lax about or choose to turn away from.  I am thankful that my hard heart is softening. 

When I moved to the San Francisco Bay, Ryan and I were planning on staying in this area for 3 years prior to him going active as a Navy Chaplain.  After serious thought, prayer, and time of still, we have decided to moved to the Twin Cities area.  Ryan's family is in Montana, but we will be closer to my side with Wisconsin roots.  

Looking ahead, we are planning to move at the end of May. 

Ryan will be looking at Associate Pastoral positions and I will be looking at the educational field, although- as you know, there are always plenty of whims I am excited to pursue and ideas that yearn to race after.  (Whatever it is, it'll be about *potential and *hope and *love and *worth and *deep, deep care for people, I am certain.)

We are toying with the idea of Ryan going into military reserves immediately, which opens up the possibilities of up to 6mo.s deployment.  More prayer and thought must go into this decision, although it is a tough reality.  When I met Ryan, he was confident in military chaplaincy as career direction for his life.  His decision surprised- himself and his nonmilitary family (his dad was in the peace corp) but being prepared for Ryan grew up in a military based town and completed basic with Marines before he decided he could not consciously 'take a life.'  Ryan views chaplaincy in the military to be a calling from God for him, and now for us, as any other ministry (I wholeheartedly agree).  Oh, and don't get me started, there is plenty that I have question with a heavy heart...  I/we will do my best to love hard on the persons that God allows me/us to interact with regardless of former stereotypes.  It will be an interesting adventure.  Isn't that that way it is supposed to be; Quite an adventure?  

Additionally, I have an endocrine system disease that causes infertility so although we have only begun to work through possible implications, we will have to wait to determine the route that will increase our family size.  If that is to be God's will.

.....

We live in Marin County which is in the North Bay.  Although we live in student housing, the area is filled with extremely affluent persons, and prominent residents (Anne Lamott, George Lucas), massive houses with staff members, and well manicured straight-from-a-movie downtowns.  Napa is 40 minutes NE, the beach is 13 miles straight W if hiked- but an hour if driven, and San Francisco is a ferry trip or the Golden Gate away.  ...it was an extremely romantic commute when I would ferry into the city for work...  The weather lately calls for jeans and tee shirts, and the neighbor lady has a lemon tree that we have visited.  They're aren't many churches.  And even the incredible seminary that Ryan attends does not bring a lot of familiarity with it's stunning castle-like buildings (which we were wed in!),  a liberal theological backbone and a massive feminist slant within the community.  This area is interesting.  The city (SF) is gritty and painted in tourism and rainbows.  Berkeley and Stanford and Silicon Valley and Wine Country make this area fascinating, with old wine and new technology, true hippies and flaunted degrees.  I will certainly miss it when we leave.  It has a bit of my aching heart and calloused knees, and desperate prayers for God's redemption.  But, I am excited to be traveling onward.

Here's to hoping you and yours are well.  Please share your stories and nowadays when you have time.